My Adopted Children
Liking the new thread.....I have two adopted children.
27 years ago I adopted my first baby boy, his birthday is next week and can only tell you what wonderfull joy he has bought to us, but it has not been all rosy, he had the terrible twos at one year old and at almost 27 he still has to odd moment. Our adoption was through our local borough, but before we could adopt we had pester them like mad, it took months and months and we had to be persistent.
We have a 19 year old daughter, who we adopted from Equador as a baby, this is called inter country adoption, the proceedures we followed 19 years ago must have changed now but she is a beautiful girl with lovely big brown eyes to die for. We found this process much easier but costly, 19 years ago we have spent in excess of £6K which included our flights, hotel etc.
There was a third baby girl, which came inbetween, unfortunately the mother changed her mind just prior to us going to court to get this finalised. We lost in court and her birth mother was granted custody.
I could not have imagined my life without these two lovely children and if I had my time over again, I would do it exactly the same.
What a lovely story tuttsi, bet you're a wonderful mum too!
My hubby and i were hoping to adopt or foster but the process took so long we've given up, besides i have a baby grandson now and at my age its nice to be able to pass him back to someone with more patience lol
A friend of ours was going to have a baby for us (surrogate) then got pregnant by someone she had only known for 5 mins so that upset my hubby a bit.
Never mind eh? Least we've got Callum
Hi there Tutsi
How lovely to here of your experince. Speaking as an adoptee, its not always a bed of roses growing up in a place where you have no genetic history - people are different and that can be quite confusing in many ways. Though I'm sure my life with my adopted family has been better than I could have ever experienced with the family of my birth.
If anyone is really interested in becoming acquainted with the issues involved, Nancy Newton Verrier, considered by many the pre-eminent figure in the issues affecting adoptive families is giving a talk this Saturday in London. Contact NORCAP (www.norcap.org.uk) for details. I, for one, will be there.
Thanks for sharing that DS :-)
Me and t'other arf have been foster carers for 12 yrs now. We only looked after new born babies ( yep! sleepless nights for the last 12 yrs). However, we took a little boy who was 6 mnths old as social serv. were pleading with us as they could not place him anywhere else.
We refused 8 TIMES as he was too old for us. Eventually we gave in and took him 'only until you find somewhere else for him' were our famous last words.
Four and a half years later, the adoption finally came through!!!!!
Yes, we totally fell in love with him and just could not bear to see him leave us.
So, now he is five, doing really well in school, but our problem is how to get round to telling him.
We have had a little girl for 18 mnths now and she is going to her own adoptive parents in 3 weeks. We are going to have a rest from fostering for a while to spend a lot more time with our little boy. ( We also have a 17yr old daughter of our own, going through the 'Whatever' stage)
The problem we have is how to tell our little boy he is adopted and we are not his natural parents. The thought of doing this upsets me a lot as, I don't want him to think we love him any less.
Any suggestions please? all help would be gratefully received.
Has he got a life book? If not perhaps you could make one for him. You could include what info you have from SS and then build on his life with you as a special child. Put lots of photos and stories of things he has done so that the fact he came to you seems a natuaral part of his life.
Also get his big sister to wrote some things about him.
Just an idea
We found the best way was to prepare a scrap book with pictures of him and you and a house and maybe some drawings of the house and things that he like to do and go through the scrap book with him. Start introducing the word adoption in a sentence. Believe me it will be harder when he is older, I think now is a perfect time he understands enough. Do not make a big deal out of it though.
Reassure him and tell him how much you love him and ( not knowing the circumstances of his particular situation ) I would tell him something like his mummy that had him in her tummy loved him very much but she was unable to look after him and that she wanted him to have a good home etc and that she chose you for this job. Keep reassuring him this and just by talking opening about it he will be OK. I have done it twice and it works although I may have started to introduce the word adoption from a slightly earlier age.
Please keep us informed of your progress with this as it is really important that he knows how much you love him.
Well they do say great minds think alike lol
Not quite an adoption story but of a similar vein.
Due to unfortunate circumstances, I have parental responsibility for my two grandsons. They have been with me now for over 4 years. Both needed a lot of security and the comfort of a stable home.
They see their Father often but in the beginning they missed their Mother (my Daughter) very much and had lots of questions.
I was able to show lots of photographs and explain first hand how much she loved them both. We built up a great relationship between us all and in between the tears, the heartbreak and confusion etc have adjusted to life.
The idea of a life book/scrap book etc is very positive.
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